Author: Michael O

Taking action toward improving your body, brain and mind first requires you to have the right beliefs. This is non-negotiable in order to make serious life changes. Here are 5 mindset shifts to improve your health:

Processed Food is Poison

The detrimental effects that processed foods have on your body, brain and mind have been well-established today. Here’s a relevant study conducted on children outlining the potential of a lowered IQ through eating processed foods.

It’s very easy to go with the easy and palatable option when you’re hungry. People are often on the go, and succumb to the path of least resistance when contemplating cooking.

Catching yourself in these moments and training your brain to resist these urges is the easy answer. But you might agree that discipline becomes that much harder when you associate a temptation with pleasure.

Instead, think of what you’re resisting as poisonous, and by extension, disgusting. After all, nature didn’t intend for you to eat chemically altered foods.

This simple mindset shift can lower the chances of you even considering eating something processed, which will ultimately help your health rather than hurt it.

Keep in mind that we’re all human, and treating yourself a few times a week is okay. The goal is to not make it a habit in your life, so if you have that down, you’re on the right path. 

Porn Is Evil

Because it’s so easily accessible today, both young and older men are still facing addictions to porn. Statistics show that the top three porn sites generate 135,000 visits every minute.

This activity has been proven to negatively impact men’s testosterone levels, brain health and mental health when turned into a habit. Read more about the impacts of porn on your brain here.

If you started watching porn at a young age, the familiarity of it can lead you to do so in later life too. This is when the formation of watching it as a habit takes place. 

And that can continue until you start making negative associations with the act. Your brain and mind are tools, and the associations you make with them dictate what you do.

If you see porn as healthy and normal, you’ll probably continue to watch it. If you instead train your brain to view it as abnormal, evil, or degenerate, you’ll feel less compelled to follow through.

This is one of the most important mindset shifts to adopt as a man today in order to improve the quality of your health and life.

Stress Needs to be Managed

Being in the digital era doesn’t help the already stressful times you experience in life as is. Stress has always existed but now it has reached a point of extremity for some through self-comparison between themselves and others they see online.

Data shows that an inability to cope with and manage stress can lead to problematic health outcomes such as inflammatory bowel disease and heartburn. This happens because your gut microbiome becomes affected by it, which in turn produces harmful bacteria. 

On top of the physical problems, mental health can also be negatively affected.

Doing what you can to manage your stress levels will go a long way toward improving your health. See here for some tips on how to do it.

If this aspect of your life is ignored, the consequences could be dire.

Sleep Dictates Everything

From my own experience, I can attest that insufficient sleep has nearly always had a negative impact on my mood, cognitive functioning and energy the following day.

Most can probably agree.

Put simply, sleep is the foundation of everything mentioned above and more. This includes testosterone levels for men – see here for a study conducted on this particular topic.

Andrew Huberman, a renowned professor, talks about the importance of sleep at length on his show, Huberman Lab. I highly recommend giving his podcast a listen as he has actionable advice and references research done on a range of health topics.

For great sound quality and a wide variety of podcasts to choose from, you should check out Spotify. I’ve been using this service for years and it’s always been my preferred place for my favourite podcasts and music.

Sign up here and get your first 30 days free.

Naturally, I’m more of a night owl, so I’ve been able to adjust to my preferred bedtime (between 11:00 and 12:30) and ensure I get at least 7 hours some nights. But sometimes I just can’t get around to sleeping by that timeframe.

If you’re anything like me in that regard, you’ll want to ensure getting to bed on time and sleeping for long enough is made a priority otherwise you’ll suffer.

What should be considered a non-negotiable as one of the mindset shifts to improve your health is that sleep duration and quality dictates everything.

Sunlight Over Artificial Light

When you wake up, exposing yourself to outdoor sunlight positively impacts your energy, focus and cortisol levels for the day ahead. See more about this here.

Even if it’s only for a couple minutes, I try to do this every morning as soon as I wake up. It’s definitely helped all of the areas above and has also benefited my mood,

But if you’re indoors mostly, like the majority of people, you might think that artificial lighting can have the same effect on you. This is not the case.

The lux (intensity of brightness) registered from sunlight is between 50,000-100,000 units, whereas lightbulbs and light boxes range from only 250-10,000.

Since it’s no substitute, aiming for outdoor sunlight rather than its counterpart is another one of the important mindset shifts to improve your health. 

Sources

• https://www.sciencedaily.com/releases/2011/02/110207225943.htm#:~:text=A%20diet%2C%20high%20in%20fats%2C%20sugars%2C%20and%20processed%20foods,of%20Epidemiology%20and%20Community%20Health.
• https://earthweb.com/how-many-people-watch-porn/
• https://examine.com/research-feed/study/y1wDA0/
• https://www.netdoctor.co.uk/healthy-living/wellbeing/a10639/how-light-affects-your-health/#:~:text=Sunlight%20typically%20registers%20anywhere%20between,the%20less%20lux%2C%20the%20bette

When a woman is interested in a man, she’ll show the signs in covert and sometimes blatantly obvious manners. It helps as a man to know what those signs are so that your chances of a successful approach are higher. Here are 5 ways women show interest:

She Looks at You When You’re Not Aware

Right off the bat, it should be mentioned that some women do make direct eye contact to show interest. But usually that comes across too bold, so they’ll refrain from it in the majority of instances. 

Instead, one of the easily missed ways women show interest in men is when they check you out when you’re clearly occupied with something else. This way, she can get a better idea of your undistracted body language rather than just your looks. 

As a man, when you’re in any public space, train yourself to scan the area right away. This will give you an idea as to who’s potentially there that is of interest to you. 

Knowledge of where a woman is gives you the opportunity to position yourself in closer proximity with her. Go about your business while scanning her body movements with your peripheral vision.

If she’s turning her head in your direction often, that’s your chance to turn yours and meet her gaze.

She Moves Closer to You

Another one of the subtler ways that women show interest in men is when they move closer to you.

Take the gym for instance. 

If you find yourself navigating to different areas throughout your workout, take note of who’s often near you. If you’re constantly seeing the same woman in your vicinity, she may be waiting for you to say something to break the ice.

This makes sense because women are generally very cautious with their surroundings as is, ensuring they put themselves in the most socially comfortable spot. So if she’s often near you, she likely wants to be near you as she has the choice to be anywhere else she deems as comfortable. 

She Talks to You First

It’s common for men to make the first move, but note when a woman talks to you first. 

This is also bold and uncharacteristic of most women, but the ones that do are clearly wanting to show interest – even if it means being completely nervous while doing it. 

Because it’s so rare, you’re given a good opportunity that doesn’t come for many men. If she’s attractive enough and her personality is likeable, respond accordingly to her advances. You can easily mistake this exchange as mere friendliness on her part, but you’ll never know unless you go for it.

Also keep in mind that even if she isn’t to your liking, be kind enough to at least converse with her a little. If she asks for your number or wants to connect on social media, it’s then completely up to you to give that information. 

She Shows Signs of Nervousness When Talking to Her

Once you approach a woman you’re interested in and start a conversation, watch her body language and pay attention to her verbal communication.

Typically if she’s attracted to you, she’s going to avoid direct eye contact and say less. Of course, this varies depending on the woman because as mentioned, some are bolder than others.

But in most cases she’ll feel intimidated and present herself as such.

Sometimes women are just more comfortable with being themselves around men that they deem as brother-like or unattractive. That’s the reality of it. 

She Follows You First on Social Media

It only makes sense to add social media to the equation since we live in a hyper digital era.

Like the in-person style of approaching, it’s usually men who initiate contact by following women on Instagram. But this is definitely not always the case.

Be mindful of a woman who sends you the first request because this too can mean she wants her interest in you to be known.

Closing Thoughts

Keep in mind that a woman out there, somewhere, will find you attractive even if you’re not the most confident, good looking, or healthy. 

But that’s setting the bar pretty low, since most guys want to attract as many women as they can – so why not optimize all areas of your life to make that happen?

Responsibilities like working on your health, body, finances, purpose, and grooming will increase your chances of attractive women showing interest in you. 

Of these personal development domains, mental health should by no means be overlooked because your perception of yourself can dictate the perceptions that others have of you. Read more about how to avoid creating a low self-image here.

If you’re struggling and feel that a professional opinion is helpful, try Online Therapy.

They offer qualified therapists who will help you from start to finish, plus call, video call, text, live chat and email messaging options to fit your communication preferences. Use the code THERAPY20 for 20% off your first month here.

Organization is necessary to aid in productivity and keep your mind at ease. Without it, it can be easier to lose your sense of day-to-day direction and control. Here are 6 ways to organize your life:

Write a Daily To-Do List and Execute 

Whether it’s written the night before or at the start of your day, writing a to-do list reminds you of your responsibilities and important tasks. More importantly, actually doing them brings you closer to the goals you set out for yourself. 

It’s okay to slip up, but just ensure that’s not made a habit. You’ll be much more pleased with yourself knowing you followed through with what you said you’d do, especially if there was no motivation to do it. 

This is a simple but effective step you can take to organize your life.

Clean Your Personal Space

Your personal space should be well-maintained because it accomplishes two things. 

One, it allows you to navigate easier to whatever it is you might need. For example, keeping your keys and wallet in a storage box in your bedroom will help you remember exactly where they are when on the go. 

Two, a clean environment can reduce stress. Just the sight of dirty clothes and an unmade bed is irritating, and that can set you off if you’re having an already bad day. In contrast, an organized space can be visually refreshing and remind you of how much you value self-care.

“Cleanliness is next to godliness” – John Wesley.

Develop a Morning Routine

Everyone wants to start their days in the best possible way, so rather than rush through your mornings, structure it with a set routine.

In order to avoid sleep inertia, ensure that you’re often waking up from your first alarm. See here for the importance of this.

It’s then ideal to tackle one or more of the major health pillars, such as sunlight exposure or exercise within the first hour. Doing so will stimulate your energy and focus for the day ahead, putting you in the best possible position for productivity. 

Depending on how early you wake up, you might have enough time to do something after that you genuinely enjoy as a means of reward. Like a hobby or entertainment outlet.

The benefits from healthy activities coupled with an enjoyable pastime activity will be a morning routine you’ll look forward to repeating. Structure at the beginning of your day will make it easier to organize your life.

Track Your Expenses

Ideally you want to know when exactly your bills are due every month so as not to miss payments. Especially ones that will seriously impact your credit score, like credit card balances. 

Writing out your expense due dates with amounts set a reminder to prioritize them in case life gets too busy before or on the day. 

If written on paper, keep it in a clearly visible place in your room or work space. Otherwise digital reminders on your smartphone can work.

Make Exercise a Priority

Exercise is widely known to positively impact your physical and mental health. See here for more information on how.

Making the time for it consistently can enhance your discipline across other life domains, stimulate energy and focus, improve confidence and reduce neuroticism (among other things).

The benefits experienced from it have the potential to improve the quality of your life, so it’s best to make it a priority. Not to mention the routine in itself can further add organization to your life. 

Prioritize Learning New Skills and Subjects

In this ever-evolving world, knowledge of both hard and soft skills come in handy for your own benefit. Whether in a classical work environment or as a means of starting something on your own. 

To try something today, go with Skillshare. They have thousands of classes on learning hard and soft-skills, so I’m sure you’ll find something of interest to you. Get started with your first 30 days free here. 

Further, industry and role-related knowledge can potentially enhance your competence in a work environment. Reviewing notes you take before actually practicing or vocalizing what you learn is vital so you know exactly what to do or say. And most importantly, you should actually understand it, rather than just regurgitate that information. 

For example, I’m potentially transitioning to a more outbound sales role at the IT company I work for. To prepare for that I’ve taken a couple relevant courses like cross-selling.

I intend to review my notes before making a call, and in doing so really understand when the appropriate time is to recommend an additional product for a customer. Then, through trial and error, practice what I learned. 

The sheer fact that I’ve taken the time to improve myself in this regard speaks to how much I value organizing my schedule in accordance with the future I want. 

As a result of abdicating responsibility and making poor decisions with habits, I experienced a prolonged depressed state. I can recognize it was entirely my fault, but that mixture of hopelessness, shame and anger taught me lessons about health and discipline that I’ll never forget. Here are the practices that helped me tame depression:

Doing What Was Hard to Me

I was 21 with no job when I went through it. I isolated myself from family and friends every day, leaving me with nothing but my vices to bring any ounce of pleasure.

Although I got a lot of criticism and judgement from family, and rightly so, my situation was such that all my needs were met. So the reputation damage was less important than the fact that I could continue living the way I did. 

When your testosterone levels are so low that you have no drive to do literally anything, the easy route seems like a much better option.

Every day I would search for videos, articles and reddit posts to motivate me and educate me on what a depressed mind entails. And then I stumbled across the simplest, yet most profound quote I’ve ever heard.

“If you do what is easy, then your life will be hard. But if you do what is hard, your life will be easy.”

That really made me think.

Then I applied the quote to my current lifestyle choices and began to grasp its meaning.

The latter half of that quote was what I mentally emphasized once the former half was understood. I had to figure out what was difficult to me, no matter how trivial it might sound to someone not in that state, in order to live a better life. 

Personally that was reaching out to a friend, leaving my room more, slowly letting go of my bad habits, and pushing myself to find a job. 

So that’s what I did. And though I had slip-ups along the way, I was able to keep my life more stable using this method. 

Practiced NoFap

This practice really turned my life around in the past, so I knew it was definitely something worth trying again. 

The truth is that one of my vices was pornography when I was depressed. Some people use drugs or alcohol, but lust was always my deadly sin in times of distress. 

Every day my testosterone levels were dropping; I could hear it in my voice and feel myself losing control of my emotions on a daily basis. 

My brain circuitry was also very damaged. The constant dopaminergic releases were not allowing me to find enjoyment in anything at all (which was making an already big problem that much worse). 

See here for more information on the effects that porn has on your brain.

I knew after months of living like that, it was time to abstain from porn. I couldn’t take the shame anymore. 

But because I was so used to watching it, I only made gradual progress at first. Still, even if you’re watching it less during the week, that’s still better than where you were at before. 

Eventually I stopped watching it altogether for upwards of two months, and the difference in my health and life was like night and day. I landed myself a job, ate better, experienced less neurotic emotions, socialized more and got a girlfriend. 

NoFap is a gamechanger when trying to tame depression.

Talked to People I Trust

When you’re depressed, the willingness to talk to others about it can sometimes be very hard. The shame, regret, anger, sadness or all of the above can make you close off entirely, even from the people you talk to regularly. 

This was definitely the case for me, too.

But it’s important to realize that doing this also makes it that much harder to tame depression. 

Isolation leads to fixation on wherever your mind takes you, and your mind takes you to the worst places when depressed. 

Even if it’s uncomfortable for you, talk to those people in your life you trust. 

Text your friend. Call your brother. Meet up with your dad.

I was able to make progress toward getting my life back together, in part, by venting to my Grandfather and Dad. The former heard me out and forced me to help with chores around his cottage, which offered sunlight exposure, exercise, and familiarity with a routine to prep me for reentering the workforce. 

What should be emphasized here is the tough love he enforced. He knew I didn’t want to do anything, but that isn’t an acceptable excuse to use in the world, so out of love I was pushed to take some sort of action. 

Those who truly care about you will guide you through action. 

However I’m not naive in knowing that sometime it isn’t enough – expert advice and feedback can be a better solution to your problems. 

So if you’re looking for a professional opinion to tame depression, try Online Therapy. They offer qualified therapists who will help you from start to finish, plus call, video call, text, live chat and email messaging options to fit your communication preferences.

You can get started here. 

Sources

• https://www.webmd.com/depression/features/depression-traps-and-pitfalls
• https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2eekBBkQP7k

Maintaining high testosterone levels as a man makes all the difference in optimizing your overall health. And when your health improves, so does your outlook on life. Here are the links between testosterone and confidence:

Strengthens Self-Image 

Confidence truly starts with your self-image because it dictates your mentality and behaviour in the world. 

See my article here for more information on the link between your self-image and confidence. 

Your self-image, or self-construal, can fall into one of two categories (generally speaking): independent or interdependent.

If you’re the independent type, your sense of self emphasizes the separateness of you as an individual. In contrast, if you’re an interdependent type, your sense of self is determined by your relationship to others. 

This could also mean introverts versus extroverts.

In either case, higher testosterone levels could benefit your particular self-image in relation to social behaviour. Specifically, in relation to endeavours of personal gain like status-seeking.

Findings in an article by Andrology suggest that testosterone concentrations in independent people may lead them to use force or obtain economic resources to that end. Concentrations in interdependent people may lead to use more prosocial behavioural methods like sharing.

What should be emphasized is that this enhanced self-image better equips you to take action in life.

Self-love and self-assurance are the foundations of any healthy life, but that alone isn’t enough. 

Translating positive thoughts and feelings into beneficial pursuits – like your purpose, career, or a meaningful relationship – is what will matter in the end.

Reduces Negative Emotions

In continuation to the above, a strengthened self-image from high testosterone levels also allows you to have a more positive outlook on life. In domains such as school or work, relationships and friendships, your sense of purpose, and your own identity as a person. 

Self-love and a healthy outlook on life at large stems from positive emotions. You wouldn’t be able to feel that way if you’re experiencing constant sadness, anger, resentment or bitterness. 

High testosterone levels increase serotonin release, which combats depressive thinking in particular. This is something to think about if poor habits (which you can fix) or life experiences have been negatively influencing your mood.

A study conducted on 33 hypogonadal men (men whose sex glands produce little or no hormones) found that TRT injections reduced depression symptoms.

Testosterone and confidence also bridge together through proper emotional health.

But remember that it’s also okay to talk about your problems to people, as that also helps regulate your emotions. 

If your mental health is becoming a serious issue, you can start by venting to people you trust, like a close friend or family member. If instead you think you may need professional guidance, try Online Therapy. 

They offer qualified therapists who will help you from start to finish, plus call, video call, text, live chat and email messaging options to fit your communication preferences.

You can get started here. 

Healthy Habits Produce Self-Pride

Increasing and maintaining testosterone levels in holistic ways means developing and maintaining healthy habits.

Holistic personal development is the ideal aim because there are less side effects that come from it, and more satisfaction in knowing you went the harder route. For example, taking steroid pills versus eating a whole-foods, high protein diet to increase your muscle mass and ultimately, testosterone. 

In this case, not only is it easier to take the steroid tablets or get an injection, but it can also produce results that are the direct opposite of what you’re aiming for. Steroids could potentially make you infertile, which isn’t a trait that someone with high testosterone carries. 

So putting in the hard work to optimize your testosterone will result in self-pride because you can recognize that the easy path brings more negative consequences than positive. Plus, relying on grit and discipline leads you to realize how capable you are.

The grind of your daily routine coupled with the testosterone produced from the habits in your routine will bring you pride, and that pride will bring you self-belief.

This also links testosterone and confidence.

Pronounces Your Masculine Traits

There are some clear signs of high testosterone levels in men. Voice depth, increased muscle mass, a higher sex drive – just to name a few. 

These enhanced traits are characteristically masculine. And as men, we want to be more masculine. 

It not only sets you apart from other men but it biologically dictates how you think, feel and behave.

So once the proof is there to verify that you are, you’ll feel more confident. When speaking to women, when working out at the gym, or in any case of social dynamics. 

Sources

• https://onlinelibrary.wiley.com/doi/full/10.1111/andr.12867
• https://www.nhs.uk/conditions/anabolic-steroid-misuse/
• https://journals.plos.org/plosone/article?id=10.1371/journal.pone.0052582

It’s widely known that physical exercise positively impacts your physical, brain and mental health. People in engage in it for those reasons, but you might not be aware that there are personality traits and life endeavours that can improve as well. Here are three surprising benefits of physical exercise.

Can Increase Assertiveness

Assertiveness is one of those traits that is necessary in times of conflict or leadership. Standing up for yourself or guiding others through stern dialogue speaks to the level of respect you have for yourself and for others. 

If you’re a man reading this, it’s also important to act this way with women in a relationship or other intimate dynamic. She will respect you more and likely be more attracted to you as it’s associated with masculinity. 

Know that if you’re not already naturally assertive, you can change that through physical exercise.

According to a meta analysis of more than 1000 articles addressing the psychological benefits of exercising, assertiveness is said to increase. Studies were conducted on clinical and non-clinical populations (meaning those who are tested from research studies using a medical, surgical or behavioural intervention and those who aren’t). 

At one point I went for jogs nearly every morning in the summer before work. I noticed that I had more of a backbone during conflict and argued my points with more conviction in conversation.

Can Improve Academic Performance

Physical exercise is also known to enhance cognitive function in areas like the processes of executive control and attention.

For more information on the cognitive benefits of exercise, you can ready my article here.

As a result of those brain enhancements, one of the surprising benefits of physical exercise is that kids, teenagers and adolescents can see improvements in academic performance. The same article cited above lists this as a proposed benefit and should be taken into consideration if you’re still in school.

Whether it’s a sport you’re enrolled in or a consistent workout regimen, taking the time to stay active may help you achieve the grades you need to get by.

Can Improve Work Efficiency

In the same way physical exercise can improve academic performance, another one of the surprising benefits is that it can also improve work efficiency.

Top-performing people like Richard Branson and Oprah Winfrey incorporate this habit into their routines out of necessity. At that level, stress can break your performance and derail you from your usual schedule, so physical exercise is used as a means to reduce it.

What you can take from this is that even the busiest people on the planet make time to get active. In doing so, they’re better able to maintain their work efficiency.

What’s your excuse?

Sources

• https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC1424736/pdf/pubhealthrep00100-0085.pdf

Due to differences in hormones, men and women display different energies through thought and behaviour. Even though this is widely known, both sexes still make the mistake of trying to force their respective energies onto the other, or reversing them – losing the natural masculine-feminine dynamic as a result. This can have consequences in relationships or intimacy of any kind. To avoid the consequences, you should understand the differences between masculine and feminine energies:

Logic Versus Emotion

Typically masculine energy is associated with logic and feminine energy is associated with emotion. 

When a woman is faced with a problem, men like to find solutions through logical reasoning and then communicate them. But women aren’t satisfied with this approach because it doesn’t make sense to their brains the way it does to a man’s. 

In contrast, men will sometimes turn to a woman for advice, only to be assured through emotional support that things will work out. But they’re expecting logical advice, so this type of response isn’t helpful.

If you’re a man, learn to take a woman’s moodiness, distance or visible frustration to mean that she wants her emotions to be flipped. Be playful, funny or assure how pretty she looks to relieve her tension.

This concept is found in David Deida’s book The Way of the Superior Man, which I highly recommend to better understand a healthy dynamic between men and women.

You can find it here. 

I’d like to disclose that I’m an Amazon Affiliate member. Any purchases made toward their products or services will directly benefit me through commission payments.

You can also find a review of some of the most practical lessons from the book in my article here. It can give you a glimpse of what value you’ll receive before getting a copy for yourself.

As a woman, your best bet would be to advise a man to get his advice from other men. It will be more likely that he’ll receive it in a direct, practical manner that way. And that’s what he wants. 

I can attest to the importance of speaking with other men that you trust. But I also know that sometimes, your mental health can get to such a point that it becomes unbearably bad.

If this is you, and want a professional second opinion, try out Online Therapy. They offer qualified therapists who will help you from start to finish, plus call, video call, text, live chat and email messaging options to fit your communication preferences. 

Click here to start.

Leading the Way Versus Following the Lead

Naturally, men and women each assume their own practical roles in a relationship or other intimate dynamic. 

As a man, it’s your masculine duty to plan things out, guide the direction of conflict and make hard decisions. 

As a woman, it’s natural to follow the lead of a man in hopes of protection, security and peace of mind. This is her femininity craving order. 

When these roles become reversed, a woman will start to doubt your capacity to be a man at all. Your masculinity will come into question and problems will arise with sex, emotional bonding, cooperation or all of the above.

But I think it’s important to understand that a woman will only reverse her role when you have already done so. The responsibility is on the man to act correctly,

As a man, if you’re aware that you’re going down the wrong energy path, you can start small to restore each other’s natural roles. 

When you want to go on a date, plan it out beforehand so as not to rely on her decisions all the time. I think it’s perfectly fine to get her opinion about it, but ensure you at least have something in mind prior to asking.

This concept is also in The Way of the Superior Man (under the chapter titled “Don’t Force the Feminine to Make Decisions”).

When she’s not pleased with your behaviour and starts arguing with you, acknowledge her emotions but do not engage further.

By calming her down, you’re setting the tone for future exchanges, and she’ll be happier with this approach because arguments show a man’s emotional side more than his logical side. That comes too close to feminine energy.

Or, as mentioned in the previous section, show your ability to guide the direction of conflict by flipping her emotions. Make her laugh or compliment her. 

Small steps are necessary to revert back to the healthy dynamic of masculine and feminine energies. Always keep that in mind. 

Purpose and Love

Once a man discovers his purpose, he’ll also discover true meaning in his life. Some if not most of your waking hours will be spent in dedication to it.

This is the right approach because other facets in your life will improve as a result (like relationships and personal health). 

When you’re consistently seeing a woman or in a serious relationship, it’s natural for her to seek out love and intimacy from you more than you from her. Women find their meaning through love whereas men find their meaning through purpose and goals. 

If you fixate more on the opposite, once again, the healthy masculine-feminine dynamic gets disrupted. If you get so invested to the point where you constantly need to be around her, she’ll lose attraction because you’re embracing a feminine essence. 

You can restore the healthy dynamic of masculine and feminine energies by distributing your time mindfully. Spend the majority of it focusing on your purpose and be with her when you can. She doesn’t want to be your first or only priority.

Sources

• https://www.ryandelaney.co/book-notes/the-way-of-the-superior-man-david-deida

Robert Greene, author of The Laws of Human Nature, wrote an eye-opening layout of our wiring and tendencies as social creatures. Using real-life stories of people throughout history to back up his points, he both engages and educates us. Reading this book will give you a better understanding of yourself and of others. Here are five valuable lessons from The Laws of Human Nature:

The Law of Irrationality: Master Your Emotional Self

As humans, we have a proclivity to react and live life based on our emotions – rather than rationality. And they’re such a dominating force that they have the ability to disconnect us from reality, leading to bad decisions and negative patterns. 

What’s more is you’re largely unaware of your irrational self and how much it contributes to your decision-making processes. 

A fitting example Robert Greene uses is feeling anger toward someone else but not realizing that the anger really stems from envy. A person might label the feeling as anger because envy is not something they’re comfortable with admitting to themselves as having. So it’s exchanged for a more palatable emotion. 

As with anything, awareness can be the source of change in a problematic pattern or deep neurotic feeling.  

To that point, The Laws of Human Nature advises to recognize the biases you hold and your specific trigger points to help bring out your rational side. 

For example, you might notice a conviction bias within yourself, which is if you hold onto an idea that is emotionally pleasing to you even if you might have some doubts about its truth. Working to rid yourself of this cognitive bias may help prevent you from divorcing from reality; and that, in turn may lessen the likelihood of making the same bad decisions again.

Finally, practical strategies such as examining the roots of your emotions and accepting people as facts can further detach you from your irrational self. 

This mindset shift is a valuable one, so it would be in your best interest to integrate and apply it. For information on other useful mindset shifts, check out my post here.

The Law of Shortsightedness: Elevate Your Perspective

Getting caught up in the excitement or drama of the present is intrinsic to us as humans. 

This includes the allure of fast financial gain (or fast results of any kind), the opinions and actions of those around you and the latest trends or news.

But by falling victim to this, you can fail to recognize the bigger picture that surrounds the present or the potential consequences that could come from it. 

To some degree, this is inevitable. Sometimes it takes time to put experiences into perspective and see the bigger picture because in the moment, we often can’t do that. 

But it is possible to look more deeply into what is happening and then make decisions accordingly.

You can look at some signs of shortsightedness in your daily life and work to overcome them. These include unintended consequences of your words or actions; losing sight of your long-term goals by continuing with an endeavour for the wrong reasons; distracting yourself through technology and decreasing your attention span; and losing sense of your priorities by focusing on all details of information or trends. 

To read other valuable lessons, you can find The Laws of Human Nature here.

If you prefer audiobooks or would like to try it out, try Audible. With access to a wide range of books, stories, podcasts and more, you can both educate and entertain yourself. 

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I’d like to disclose that I’m an Amazon Affiliate member. Any purchases made toward their products or services will directly benefit me through commission payments.

The Law of Self-Sabotage: Change Your Circumstances by Changing Your Attitude

It’s very easy to internalize a negative circumstance or series of circumstances. If you or others around you are being affected by forces out of your control, you can easily become bitter, angry, depressed or resentful in response. 

This can also happen as a result of less dramatic circumstances. Exchanges with family, friends or others during your upbringing that have shaped you into the person you are.

If not addressed properly, neurotic feelings experienced as a result of those times can stay trapped throughout life. 

By constantly viewing life through a negative lens – such as fear or suspicion – it will reflect onto your relationships, career or any other meaningful endeavours. 

If you can instead transform that negative internalization into something positive, all of those domains will prove to be more fruitful. 

You can start by viewing yourself differently. Self-imposed flaws and limitations should be perceived as malleable so that personal development is more possible. 

From there you can more easily turn your attention toward others, learning to be more tolerant and open-minded. Because you can resonate with undesirable thought patterns and behaviour better and show more compassion once you’ve left that state. 

The Law of Repression: Confront Your Dark Side

Inside all of us is a dark side, or shadow, consisting of insecurities and selfish impulses that are hidden from public view. They’re usually concealed better when masked with the opposite trait (like a confident demeanour masking an insecure one).

This isn’t something to be worried about because it’s simply a part of human existence. 

But it becomes a problem when stress activates your dark side without your awareness.

Without proper awareness, you could potentially harm relationships and damage your own reputation. 

Equally important is the ability to be aware of the signs in others you socialize with often, as you could be a victim to their behaviour. 

Some signs to look for in yourself and others alike include contradictory behaviour, emotional outbursts and projection. 

To avoid letting your dark side become a burden in your own life, The Laws of Human Nature advises you to integrate it into your personality. 

First, see the shadow and recognize where it came from. For example, if you have a deep mistrust in people, maybe your mother betrayed you in the past by gossiping to others after confiding in her. 

Then, embrace it as a part of your personality. But channel the negative aspect of it into something that will benefit you. Using the example above, channel the deep mistrust you have into critical thinking; to question most of what you learn and hear so as not to be gullible or misinformed. 

Next, explore your dark side’s creativity. Since it’s a part of your subconscious, learn to apply any ideas you learn from it to some sort of outlet. As an actor, for instance, you can bring out a raw, interesting side of you that others will appreciate. 

Finally, balance your personality by occasionally showing that side of you to the world. Coming across as imperfect will signal authenticity to others. This will make you more trustworthy and likeable.

The Law of Envy: Beware the Fragile Ego

Another commonality we all share is the compulsion to compare ourselves with others. With status, looks, resources and so on.

Like all of the other compulsions mentioned above, there is a point at which it turns to your detriment.

The Laws of Human Nature describes this as happening when it becomes deep envy, leading to feelings of inferiority and frustration. From there you can unleash it onto those you envy through covert attacks or sabotage.

If you find that you happen to be the envied and not the envier, look for the signs in others. They include micro expressions, poisonous praise, backbiting and the push and pull method.

If you’re the one being targeted by someone, it’s best to simply keep your distance from that person. There’s no telling what lengths another person might go to in order to right their feelings of inferiority.

As the envier, you can take measures to avoid the downward spiral of its associated emotions.

Firstly, move closer to what you envy.

By keeping your distance often, you tend to exaggerate the successes that person experiences – failing to remember that they make mistakes like the rest of us. But staying within their proximity reminds you that they do indeed have those moments, and can even assure you that there are disadvantages to what they have.

Next, engage in downward comparisons.

Instead of following through with the natural inclination to compare yourself with those who have more, do so with those who have less. As a result, this will stimulate empathy for those who are less fortunate than you while helping you stay grateful for what you have in your own life.

Robert Greene also mentions an interesting concept called Mitfreude – to show joy for someone as they experience something positive. It’s quite clearly a better option for you emotionally than its opposite, Schadenfreude, but one that may take some time to adjust to if your default reaction to others is one of envy.

Finally, transmuting envy into admiration is arguably the best antidote to envy. Rather than festering in your neurotic feelings and doing nothing about them, use them as fuel to bring yourself to the level of the person you envy.

Admiring a person for what they have is showing appreciation for human greatness, but competing for what they have is signalling that you’re just as capable of achieving that greatness.

I personally like using this approach.

Sources

• Greene, Robert. The Laws of Human Nature. New York, Penguin Random House LLC, 2018.
• https://www.medicalnewstoday.com/articles/326738#:~:text=Cognitive%20dissonance%20occurs%20when%20a%20person%27s%20behavior%20and%20beliefs%20do,defense%20mechanisms%2C%20such%20as%20avoidance
• https://www.everydayhealth.com/emotional-health/psychological-projection-dealing-with-undesirable-emotions/#:~:text=Psychological%20projection%20is%20a%20defense,dealing%20with%20the%20unwanted%20feelings
• https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Schadenfreude
• https://work911.com/communication/toxicpraise.htm#:~:text=However%2C%20praise%20turns%20toxic%20when,one%20up%2C%20one%20down.)
• https://www.shortform.com/blog/envious-people/#:~:text=An%20envious%20microexpression%20involves%20the,fake%20smile%20after%20the%20fact.

True confidence sets you apart from the majority of people, but because it’s such a desirable quality, you might be tempted to act more confidently than you actually are. This is a problem because you’re not being honest with your inner-self and about the image you’re projecting to the world. Self-deceit and deceit to others in this way will inevitably come back to you in the form of regret or shame. Here are four ways to tell if you’re truly confident:

Your Self-Image is Healthy

Confidence in yourself can always be traced back to how healthy your self-image is. And as talked about at length in previous posts, self-image is the cornerstone of all areas of mental health – including self-confidence. 

Because your self-image determines how valuable you see yourself in relation to the world, it naturally will bleed into your thinking and behaviour patterns. The guy who believes he’s inferior in many qualities to everyone else will show that to the world through slouched body language and a complacent, unfulfilling lifestyle.

But some might want to instead trick themselves into believing they’re the opposite when they know they really aren’t. And as a result, that self-deceit will project itself onto others as mentioned above.

To avoid that temptation and truly develop a healthy self-image, learn to love yourself and appreciate all that you offer and can offer to the world. See here for more information on this.

If you’re really struggling with this and would like some professional guidance, try Online Therapy. They offer qualified therapists who will help you from start to finish, plus call, video call, text, live chat and email messaging options to fit your communication preferences. 

Click here to start.

You Embrace Failure 

Some people say that confidence means having no expectation of failure or rejection. But because the world is unpredictable, that can happen to anyone.

So a truly confident person should really be preparing for any outcome and being okay with whatever that outcome is. 

It’s important to enter into an endeavour with an optimistic view of things, believing in your abilities so that you have the best chance of success. But if you get rejected by that girl or don’t get that job, being able to accept that and not take it personally is a key indicator of true confidence. 

Realizing that rejection is a part of life is very important. Once this mentality is integrated into your life, fear and anxiety will slowly start to diminish. And the more chances you take, the more likely you are to have what it is you need or want. 

Knowing your Limitations

There is such a thing as a healthy delusion. This is a belief you have about yourself that is sometimes mystical or spiritual which boosts your confidence in endeavours. 

For example, if you’re Roman Catholic, believing that God has chosen you to carry out a specific mission using gifts he gave you might empower you. In your work, in school or in relationships. 

But then there are delusions that have no real spiritual backing and instead are backed with extreme grandiosity. That you can do anything exceedingly well.

No matter how much you believe in yourself, you’ll always have limitations. 

For example, I believe that when I put my mind toward learning something, I can teach myself most things. But I also know that as much as I loved playing football (soccer) when I was younger, I was never good enough to be a professional. 

Self-awareness is a clear sign you’re truly confident because you’re able to recognize both the areas you fall short and excel in. You can then work toward perfecting those gifted areas rather than dispersing your efforts in many directions. 

You’re Able to Push Past Fears

As an extension to knowing your limitations, being truly confident also entails recognizing what it is you fear. And then pursuing a goal or endeavour despite that fear.

If you resist the urge to test your limits or comfort zone, you’re surrendering to your own mind. Because your mind dictates what you fear and why you fear it. 

If this is you, actively try to challenge it whenever you have a chance.

Challenging your fears not only pushes you closer to a potential outcome you might want, but it also strengthens your character. You learn that you have more courage than you previously thought. 

When you find your purpose in life, it should be in the form of a skill with the intention of helping, inspiring or entertaining others. This way, it will be more meaningful to you. But be aware that once you decide to take it seriously, there will be a long and hard road toward financial success. Here is how to stay patient when trying to make money from your purpose:

Keep your “Why” Strong 

When we do anything, there’s always a “why” behind it. The stronger and more meaningful the why, the more likely you are to stay on the path toward your goal when times get tough. 

By simply reminding yourself of it when those times come (which they will) while working on your purpose, you will have a much tougher time giving up. Doing so will remind you of who you want to become and the identity you want to leave behind. 

For those using e-commerce businesses to profit from your purpose, just know that up to 90% of startups fail. And 75% fail that are venture-backed.

To avoid falling into that statistic, your first step is to find and stay firm with your why.

Stay Consistent with Quality and Quantity

On the journey to success, you should ensure two major aspects of your work are properly implemented: quality and quantity. 

Quality and quantity separate you from the rest and help increase reliability. 

In other words, putting out the best possible quality of your particular work will ensure you’re at least in competition with those who are at the top of that field. This will automatically separate you from those who are creating low-value goods, services or content. 

Once that aspect of your purpose has been honed, it’s smart to focus on quantity. In the case of content creation, uploading content often will signal to viewers that you’re dedicated to your content, which increases reliability while also putting you above those who upload scarcely.

The quality side of it should come easy as your purpose will drive you to want to understand and support your audience. But quantity will require discipline, which will be especially necessary on the days you’re just not motivated to work. 

See here for how to develop self-discipline.

You can rest assured that implementing the above will help you remain patient. Knowing you’re doing your best is a good reason to stick it out until you see results.

Also don’t be afraid of exploring new skills that contribute to your purpose. In fact, it’s always a positive to be adding more to your arsenal in any case.

To learn both hard and soft skills, or even discover a potential new hobby, try Skillshare. You can sign up here.

Use Positive Visualization

Because it takes time to develop an audience and make a profit, your name will not be known for a while. Your work will fly under the radar. 

During this period it would be in your benefit to use positive visualization. 

Starting from an optimistic viewpoint, imagine exactly how your future audience will be impacted by your work. How you’ll be improving the lives of other people by believing in the value of what you’re doing. 

This could also tie in with your “why”.

I personally like to use positive visualization with this blog. It’s taken, and is still taking some time to develop my own audience. 

But because I have a strong belief in what I preach in the personal development space and how it will improve people’s lives, I have no problem staying patient. 

Enjoy the Process

The process itself of offering your purpose to the world should bring deep satisfaction. 

It should not feel like a chore to be working for that reason. 

But the obstacles you will face may lessen your satisfaction if you don’t understand how important they are. Life comes with obstacles, and they’re there to test you. In this case, to test your discipline and dedication. 

So enjoying the process is also enjoying all that comes wth it.

This mindset will help you stay patient almost unknowingly by allowing you to fixate less on the time it takes to arrive at your goal.

Sources

• www.failory.com/blog/startup-failure-rate