David Deida, author of The Way of the Superior Man, created a summary of teachings for men to strengthen and utilize their masculinity. He’s able to give concise breakdowns of how to actually put these into practice, and so this ease of digestion and practical layout account for the book’s worldwide success. Here are 7 practical lessons from The Way of the Superior Man:
Lean Just Beyond Your Edge
Deida describes the “edge” as the point at which your fear becomes too anxiety-provoking, stopping you from exploring further (your comfort zone). In his previous chapter, he encourages you to embrace whatever your edge may be as it makes you more trustworthy among others and with yourself; rather than lying to yourself about what you fear.
Once this has been practiced, it’s then equally important to lean just beyond that point of comfort in nearly all aspects of your life. This will enable you to grow mentally, as you’re slowly expanding your tolerance for discomfort every time you do it. Then, once uncomfortable becomes comfortable, you will think and act more courageously, willing to take on more of what is difficult and be better able to withstand the unexpected problems that life throws at you.
This is also a great mental tool you can use to boost your confidence. You can find more information on this here from my post covering that topic.
If You Don’t Know Your Purpose, Discover It, Now
Since a man is often associated with being a creator, one of the most eye-opening lessons from the Way of the Superior Man states that knowing and living your purpose allows you to embody that quality more fully. If everything in your life is in some way connected to your purpose, you will be able to shape events with more authority and foster more meaningful friendships and relationships because you feel internally fulfilled.
This fulfillment breeds a sense of confidence – you know what you were put on this earth for. Now you can make more out of life, crafting it to your liking with more ease.
Don’t Force the Feminine to Make Decisions
As men, we have the responsibility to be decisive and have clarity of mind among women. When you’re with a woman and you leave it to her to adopt that responsibility, you’re neglecting your masculine energy and instead, she will cultivate it. This goes against our very nature and if it becomes the norm – for example, letting her decide where to go out every time you have a date planned – she will end up distrusting your capacity to be a man. She will not be as attracted to you.
The solution here is to always offer your input, no matter how trivial it might be. Always have a plan in mind before you go out. And don’t brush things off passively by leaving it to her to guide the direction of events.
If you’re finding these lessons from the Way of the Superior Man helpful, the full-length version of Deida’s book can be found here. This was one of the best reads I’ve ever come across due to its practicality and ability to shift my perspective on the dynamic between masculine and feminine energy. I highly recommend it.
If you instead want to try audio learning, Audible can give you a great experience. It’s packed with over 10,000 audiobooks and podcasts, so lack of selection is never a problem. Start your first 30 days free here.
You Will Often Want More Than One Woman
We were often taught growing up that desiring one woman, who you love, is the right thing to believe. Especially if you had a strong female parental presence. The problem is we’re once again neglecting our natural masculine tendencies if we force ourselves to think in this way. It’s very normal for men to sexually desire other women, even if he’s in love and in a relationship with one in particular.
So embrace that feeling, and know that it is up to you to decide what to do with that desire. Some might say that seeking out another woman is the wrong choice as it will only lead to complications with the one you love. Others might say that it’s fine, so long as you play your cards right. The choice is yours.
Choose a Woman Who Chooses You
When you’re in a relationship or even the talking stage with a woman, it’s important that you can decipher between whether she’s interested in you or not. Deida suggests that you talk with friends to get a second opinion, which is helpful, but you yourself should be able to pick up on the cues. Some signs she might not be include unreciprocated body language, constant excuses of being busy to get out of seeing you, or communicating to you like a friend does – bringing up other men she is interested in (if in the talking stage).
If this is the case, leave and move on. You are essentially becoming the feminine presence if you’re the one constantly seeking attention and intimacy, and in turn, she will be repelled by this. Especially because she will have to embody a masculine one if she seeks freedom. When the masculine and feminine dynamic is reversed, it will be hard to become compatible with one another.
Instead, search until you, a friend or a group of friends can confirm a woman is interested. When that time comes, you’ll be glad you waited as she will express her true feminine nature that men crave in women. Knowing and putting this into practice will prove to be one of the key lessons from The Way of the Superior Man in terms of understanding female nature better.
Turn Your Lust Into Gifts
We’ve all felt the power of lust as men. When we fantasize about a woman, the energy flows into one of two heads. Although this is normal, reframing the way you experience lust could benefit you.
Rather than letting yourself become completely immersed in it – or distracted by it – try letting that sexual energy circulate throughout your body. You might be surprised at how creative your thoughts or ideas might become, how confident you are in a social setting or how focused you are at a task. After all, the feminine is a source of inspiration to men; it’s just a matter of where we choose to direct that inspiration. At pleasure and depletion, or at the gifts you can offer to the world.
Ejaculate Up the Spine
In our childhoods, we as boys learned to stimulate our sexual tension through masturbation. This act of reducing stress was a source of fulfillment for sexual fantasies. As we got older, the habitual self-pleasure learned through masturbation typically carried into sex. We’re often so busy focusing on our own sensations that we neglect the woman’s, which leads to premature finishing or finishing after 5 to 10 minutes.
By consciously redirecting your attention to your partner, there will be more pleasure felt on both sides as well as a deeper emotional connection.
Deida also stresses other relevant points in this chapter.
One, by keeping your body and breath relaxed and full, you will prevent an accumulation of tension downstairs. This plays into the practice of lasting longer during sex.
Two, feel whatever strong sensation comes your way fully, and then feel past that so that sex becomes something that is beyond every sensation. As opposed to being drawn into one specific sensation, or something that is fleeting.
Three, practicing full and proper breathing both during sex and throughout your day enables you to move energy up your spine through exhalation. Energy is paramount to a productive and fulfilling life, so making sure that you have this practice down will benefit you.
Finally, occasionally contracting your pelvis during sex will allow you finish in a more euphoric way – through your brain and not just downstairs.