Author: Michael O

Adversity shouldn’t be a new concept because everyone has dealt with it to some extent. When you’re faced with it, you can handle it better if certain steps are taken. You don’t want to be caught in a situation that makes you crumble. Here are 3 ways to approach adversity:

Strengthen Your Mind and Body Constantly

“Only the strong survive” is such a fitting quote when you’re required to approach adversity. You’ll notice that, for a variety of reasons, some people fold when faced with stress whereas some push through. However, it can be argued that one of the constant differentiating factors between these two types of people is strength in body and mind.

Think of the sun and the rain as they relate to a plant’s health. Both are needed for survival; vegetation can’t have one without the other. This is also true for physical and mental strength. They are intertwined and one is just as necessary  as the other. When you see a physically fit person, he or she is also operating on a high mental capacity by way of memory, discipline, cognitive processing and emotional regulation. See here for more information on the link between the two.

If routine exercise is also paired with other healthy daily habits like meditation, nofap, reading, sunlight exposure, or journaling, all of those traits will be heightened even more. You will have more resilience, courage and grit than you otherwise would have when adversity comes your way. There’s no debate.

Use Purpose to Keep you Grounded

Men in particular need a sense of purpose in their lives in the form of a talent or creative gift. It reassures you that you are of value, and this in turn improves your self-image: the most important facet of proper mental health.

If your purpose is more like an obsession, which would be ideal, it would become that much harder to operate day by day without it (because it’s a driving force in life). For those who haven’t found theirs yet, it’s not to be construed as an unhealthy outlet, because after all, your purpose is supposed to uplift you while also benefiting the world. Rather, it’s a healthy obsession – as coined by Conor McGregor.

Even with this as a driving force, you will still have to eventually approach adversity. That adversity could have the potential to cripple you and send you into disarray. But purpose is yet another guiding light you can rely on in an ocean of darkness. You can remind yourself that even if life is getting difficult, you can ground yourself through at least that.

Not only will it psychologically put you in a different place during that time, but it will also remind you of your devotion to your own particular gifts. That should empower you and help you regain some control when control over other circumstances is difficult.

Reframe your Mindset

When you approach adversity, it’s not uncommon to internalize the negativity. Especially if it’s a personal loss, like a breakup or the death of a loved one.

It’s only human to feel the emotions that arise, but it’s a choice to let them take over your life. We have the power to respond to situations more rationally the more that times passes. It will take time if your temperament isn’t inclined that way, but just like a sport you might practice, you can eventually become better at it.

A key lesson from stoicism to apply in these times of your life is to view adversity as a growth challenge. Difficulty can strengthen your emotional regulation and teach you valuable life lessons. Remembering this can make all the difference when you think there’s no way out or no way to progress.

As an extension, what might motivate you further is to visualize your stronger self if you decide to think this way. Your imagination can do wonders to change your reaction and attitude.

There are a variety of reasons why we as modern men experience issues like poor mental health and hormone deficiencies that previous generations did not. These reasons can help us develop an understanding of where we went wrong in society and how to prevent things from becoming worse. This is why modern men are weaker than our ancestors:

Overexpression of Emotions

To be perfectly clear, it’s not that men should not express their emotions at all, because that would also lead to problems. It’s that there is a push for expressing them regularly, and that’s a call for concern. Men nowadays are taught, especially from female figures in their life, that crying (for instance) every time they feel the urge to is a good thing. The truth is that many scenarios call for breakdowns in life, but the essence of a man and masculinity as a whole is to compose himself and think rationally – so finding ways to control your emotional urges will help capitalize on that essence.

At the very least, if a man chooses to break down consistently, he should consult a therapist or a close male friend while doing it. That way you are either getting professional, practical advice or a different male perspective. This will ensure there is something that can be done about the problem at hand and that you don’t become any weaker than you might be. Otherwise, find healthy ways on your own to channel your emotions. Physical activity and artistic expressions are good examples.

To put it into perspective, our ancestors didn’t have the luxuries and resources we have today. Centuries ago, there were no professionals available because the culture didn’t stress mental health as a necessity. It was just a given that a man was properly aligned because survival and procreation were top of mind. Emotional release was not an option as his community would have viewed him as inferior, so he would have likely had to find physical outlets to relieve tension.

This would have strengthened resilience and translated into more masculine body language, communication styles and general behavior. It also cannot be ignored that this all stemmed from testosterone levels (a byproduct of the previously mentioned mindset), which were drastically higher than ours today. Biologically, this is the main reason why modern men are weaker than their ancestors and will be spoken of more later.

Accessibility to Everything

The twenty first century has proven the world now has a set of problems that are disguised as solutions. In other words, it seems great that you can entertain yourself through Netflix and social media, have fast food delivered to your door whenever you have a craving or get off to a naked woman from your phone whenever you’re horny. That’s what these quick fixes are designed to make you think.

But how is it that we are now living in the most peaceful time in human history with an abundance of resources, yet have mental health, weight and hormonal problems like never before? It’s the lack of effort associated with all of these “solutions” that is messing with your mind, brain and body.

The reward circuitry in your brain that governs dopamine is only experienced in a healthy way if the effort put into something matches the level of pleasure felt afterwards. Putting in little to no effort for a sexual release through a porn site, for instance, disrupts the natural dopaminergic process inside of you (especially if done habitually).

The consequences of this are arguably most felt through your mental health in the form of a fractured self-image and depressed thinking. Neurotic thinking is often associated with low testosterone in men, not to mention a further depletion of it through the actual acts of watching porn or eating junk food. If boys and men are not consistently putting in hard work for at least one thing that is rewarding, it’s no wonder we’re labelled as weaker than our ancestors.

Technological advancements through human innovation have completely changed the game. Ancestrally, quick fixes were nonexistent. Men once had to hunt to find food, but even more recently, they had to physically get off their asses to buy it. They had to be bold and approach women the natural way in order to have sex. They had to entertain themselves through card games or physical outlets. Men had less but lived more. Past behavior as a result of less human innovation can also help explain why modern men are weaker than them.

Pharmaceutical Intervention

As an extension to the earlier point about overexpression of men’s emotions, the pharmaceutical industry acts as a shoulder to lean on. Modern psychiatrists are trained to diagnose neurotic thinking patterns as disorders. Of course, there are scenarios where professional intervention is necessary, particularly when it boils down to life or death. But in less extreme circumstances, these people still have the power to convince you there’s something wrong with your brain. If they’re successful with this, you can easily be persuaded to use drugs as a crutch.

You might know men who take pharmaceuticals (with varying degrees of success). You probably heard people talk about them on social media, or have seen ads for them on the internet. We now live in a society where lab-produced chemicals, as far away from the natural world as you can get, are used as solutions for depressed, anxious, paranoid or compulsive thinking. Whether it’s trivial or not.

It’s done deliberately to create overly docile men who have to rely on medicine to get by, and generate revenue for the pharmaceutical industry. Once the reliance is there, you’re then prone to unnatural experiences that make you weaker than you otherwise would have been.

Whether you’re a child, teenager or adult, these medications will alter your brain and body chemistry. Antidepressants and anxiety medications, for example block your reuptake of serotonin, a neurotransmitter that governs mood, cognition, reward processing, learning, memory and various psychological processes. This allows for above-average serotonin availability to be passed between nerve cells. However, as per the National Library of Medicine, “During long-term SSRI therapy, the most troubling adverse effects are sexual dysfunction, weight gain, and sleep disturbance.”

Since depression and anxiety are the most commonly reported mental health issues in the western world, the implications of its treatments are concerning for the boys and men taking them. A lack of libido is associated with testosterone deficiency, as is weight gain and poor sleeping patterns. This means that the medications intended to help are doing more harm than good with regards to general health. A major contributor to the weaknesses that twenty first century males are associated with.

Prior to the advent and normalization of SSRIs in the 1980’s, boys and men alike had to find alternative methods of treating mood problems. There was no chemical intervention in their brains and bodies. It’s possible that this would help to account – among other factors – for the drop in testosterone levels of about 1% per year since the previously mentioned decade in the U.S.

Bessel van der Kolk speaks of the truth about this industry in his book, The Body Keeps the Score. His book is primarily about deep trauma and its psychological impacts in later life, but his insights on pharmacology are eye-opening. For more information about it or to look for any book of interest to you, try out Audible. With a subscription you have unlimited access to thousands of select Audible originals, podcasts and audiobooks. Take advantage of your first 30 days free here.

Closing Thoughts

Taking this all into consideration, it would be wise for you to not rely on what is considered an easy fix nowadays. Otherwise, the consequences will continue to prove the stark contrast between men in the modern day versus older generations and further ancestors. If we’re conscious of what we think and do, we won’t be weaker than them. Les Brown once said, “If you do what is easy your life will be hard. But if you do what is hard your life will be easy.”

Sources

• Ferguson, James M. SSRI Antidepressant Medications: Adverse Effects and Tolerability. National Library of Medicine. 2001 Feb; 3(1): 22–27. DOI: 10.4088/pcc.v03n0105.
• Howe, Neil. You’re Not The Man Your Father Was. Forbes. 02/10/2017.

When you’re still relatively young, you have time on your side. But if you choose to waste most of that time on unproductive and unfulfilling things, it will slip away from you; and in turn, you will have looked back with regret, knowing you could have been in a better place. At least that’s how I choose to see it. Here is how I increased productivity:

I Changed My Perception of Time

My entire perception of time has shifted, and I believe the appreciation of it comes as you get older. Most people, including myself, used to succumb to boredom and fill that time with activities that gave instant gratification. Video games, social media, Netflix. This is especially true in your teenage years.

Then, I realized that every minute I spend on something that doesn’t matter is a minute I could have spent improving my life somehow. Whether it be my physical shape, my mental health, a way to make money or learning a skill or something new in literature. So more often than not, I will choose something that will better me because I know I won’t get that time back. And the thought of wasting it, knowing I could have done something beneficial, is what I try to avoid.

This is not to say there are never times I indulge or take breaks, because I do. I still like to watch a show toward the end of my day or scroll a little longer on social media from time to time. I’m not a robot. I also learned that chasing absolute perfection will be hard on you mentally and emotionally. A balance is necessary for maintaining increased productivity.

I Learned to Enjoy the Unenjoyable

When it comes to the day-to-day responsibilities of life, there are many things that you don’t enjoy doing. Getting up early; going to the gym; ensuring bills are paid on time – just to name a few. But notice how much better and productive you feel after completing a task that’s required of you. Even if your mind was convincing you to opt out of it, you ignored that voice because you knew you would be better off by doing it.

More than just discipline – which you can check out here from a previous post of mine – what has also increased productivity for me has been reprogramming my brain to actually like the activities I dislike doing. I’m a firm believer that your attitude towards anything will not only determine your outcome, but your grit and resilience in future endeavors. So when I’m met with either a mundane or extremely difficult task – knowing it’s required of me – I approach it with the belief that withstanding the boredom along the way will result in a toughened mind and an improved area of my life.

I realize that adopting this mindset does not come easy, but that’s the point. Nothing worthwhile comes easy. It will take many instances of practicing this for it to stick, but when it does, you might notice that you’re getting a lot more done.

I Practiced Good Habits

It’s been well-established that your day-to-day habits predict your success and behavior in life. This has been such an important topic in the last decade that one of the bestselling books of all time, Atomic Habits by James Clear, covers it in depth.

The reason your habits are such a big predictor is because they bleed into all areas of your life. For example, if you’re constantly waking up late, it’s likely that you won’t be punctual with most other things like paying bills or arriving at work. Reversely, practicing healthy, good habits has the opposite effect. When you are conscious of doing what is responsible and beneficial for your life, in both small ways and large, you might notice a sense of pride because you’ll likely become more productive in areas like your professional endeavors or purpose.

The goal here is to be as consistent as possible. Yes, you will slip up and travel in the other direction for days, weeks or even months sometimes. But it’s imperative that one, you notice the consequences that bad habits have upon your life, and two, take action as soon as you understand the impact of them.

I Focused on Myself

Along my journey over the last two years, I’ve been able to dedicate much of my time to myself in an attempt to improve my circumstances. I’d say that, though I’m only 24 and still have other levels of success to reach, these years have truly shaped my responsibility, career path and awareness as it relates to my purpose of writing content like this.

I realize that I have an introverted side to me which accounts for my ability to actually be more productive when alone. If you’re a complete extrovert, try to be in an environment with others if that usually results in increased productivity. It all depends on what works for you at the end of the day.

As much as this plan worked for me, I could not have seen it through had it not been for the balance between that and talking to others I trust. There’s no disputing that we’re social creatures, no matter how introverted you are.

Equally important is having someone to vent your emotions or traumatic experiences to, which is why a therapist would be ideal. I wish I had made this move when I was at my worst as it would have saved me from a lot of lost time and confidence. Calmerry is an online service that gives you access to a wide range of therapists specializing in problems like stress, anxiety, substance abuse and eating disorders. Customers can message their therapist at any time and even schedule live online sessions. Apply code “CARE” to start with 30% off here – your mental health is too important to neglect.

It’s undoubtedly the case that your mindset determines how you think, feel and behave. What we tell ourselves about ourselves and the world at large plays a massive role in this regard. If you have the awareness to notice that lately, or for a while, your self-talk has affected you for the worse, it’s definitely time to change that.

Here are 5 mindset shifts for better mental health:

Don’t Take Things Personally

Someone at work ignored you for no apparent reason.

You overheard your family talking shit about you.

There will always be situations – some more justifiable than others – which call for you to take personal offense and react emotionally. It’s part of the human experience.

Just know that everyone has their reasons for doing or saying things, and some of those reasons have absolutely nothing to do with you. Often it’s simply based on difficulties in their friendships, relationships, personality or self-image – which they conveniently take out on you. You were just in the wrong place at the wrong time.

You’re only wasting your own time, mental and emotional energy by fixating on why someone behaved in the way they chose; the possibilities could be endless. In any case, you’re much better off disregarding it and going about your day as planned. The truth is it won’t matter in the end.

I Bring Value to the World

Everyone has their own particular skill or attribute that they bring to the world. Even though this skill might be second-nature to you, it’s important that you’re conscious of it and realize its worth. If you think you don’t have one, dig a little deeper until you’re confident there is something you’re good at.

This realization is especially important if you have self-esteem issues. Your self-image might drastically improve just by appreciating even one thing that can improve your life and potentially the lives of others.

The range here is endless. Whether it’s a career or income-oriented soft skill like persuasive speech (benefiting your own life), or a personality trait that your social circle appreciates like humor, value comes in many forms. Of these 5 mindset shifts, this will be the most valuable in relation to your self-image, an important foundation for better mental health.

It still never hurts to add more to your arsenal and learn more along the way. Skillshare is a platform designed specifically for learning both soft and hard-skills – a potentially great way to increase your income and value. Take advantage of your first month free here.

The Process Is More Important Than the Outcome

Your first instinct when reading a title like this might be that the reward is everything; it’s why you’re working so hard in the first place.

If you pay attention to the process of getting there, however, you’ll see how much you have improved on a personal level.

The long hours helped you cultivate determination. Taking action when your emotions tried to convince you otherwise strengthened discipline. Limiting your distractions enhanced deep focus.

These are all transferrable traits that might stick with you for the rest of your life and encompass many areas. And it can be argued that as much as a desirable outcome is fruitful, a changed self is more so.

Understand and be Able to Detach From Your Emotional Self

Robert Greene, author of The Laws of Human Nature, speaks of this concept in his book and it’s worth revisiting here.

Your emotional self is complex – sometimes beyond your understanding – stemming from periods like your childhood upbringing. It’s powerful and innate, but there’s no doubt that power can be used against you if you’re not aware. Purely emotional behavior can lead to turmoil in your personal or professional life, so it’s important to bring out your rational side when necessary.

It’s not realistic to say that you can suddenly be able to accept your emotional self as is. Consciously examining your emotions can be painful in some instances, but it’s important that you find a way to dig deep and understand them. For example, your anger at the slightest inconvenience might stem from the memory of being treated unfairly by a parent as a kid.

You’ll be able to trace the connection more thoroughly the deeper you think about it. Once the understanding comes, train your mind to view the memory as a thought that does not have to carry emotional strings. Try doing this once a day as a start. You might find that sadness, bitterness or anger will become less intrusive in your day to day.

Emotional regulation is imperative for better mental health, which is why it deserves a spot among the 5 mindset shifts. For a more comprehensive breakdown of this principle and more valuable lessons on human nature, you can purchase The Laws of Human Nature here.

Health is Wealth

Sometimes we get so engulfed in the everyday busyness that we neglect our most important asset: our bodies.

This bad practice is part in parcel of the western philosophy of capitalism. If people are paying more attention to becoming wealthy and are always on the go to that end, it’s no wonder some don’t find the time for self-care.

Always remember that without maintaining a healthy diet, an exercise routine, sunlight exposure, and your consumption of productive information (through books, podcasts and audiobooks), your mental health will always be bad. It all starts with physical health and productive habits. Once this is in order, your mental health will follow.

A great first step is going to the gym consistently or having a running routine. See here for a deeper dive into how physical exercise benefits mental health.

David Deida, author of The Way of the Superior Man, created a summary of teachings for men to strengthen and utilize their masculinity. He’s able to give concise breakdowns of how to actually put these into practice, and so this ease of digestion and practical layout account for the book’s worldwide success. Here are 7 practical lessons from The Way of the Superior Man:

Lean Just Beyond Your Edge

Deida describes the “edge” as the point at which your fear becomes too anxiety-provoking, stopping you from exploring further (your comfort zone). In his previous chapter, he encourages you to embrace whatever your edge may be as it makes you more trustworthy among others and with yourself; rather than lying to yourself about what you fear.

Once this has been practiced, it’s then equally important to lean just beyond that point of comfort in nearly all aspects of your life. This will enable you to grow mentally, as you’re slowly expanding your tolerance for discomfort every time you do it. Then, once uncomfortable becomes comfortable, you will think and act more courageously, willing to take on more of what is difficult and be better able to withstand the unexpected problems that life throws at you.

This is also a great mental tool you can use to boost your confidence. You can find more information on this here from my post covering that topic.

If You Don’t Know Your Purpose, Discover It, Now

Since a man is often associated with being a creator, one of the most eye-opening lessons from the Way of the Superior Man states that knowing and living your purpose allows you to embody that quality more fully. If everything in your life is in some way connected to your purpose, you will be able to shape events with more authority and foster more meaningful friendships and relationships because you feel internally fulfilled.

This fulfillment breeds a sense of confidence –  you know what you were put on this earth for. Now you can make more out of life, crafting it to your liking with more ease.

Don’t Force the Feminine to Make Decisions

As men, we have the responsibility to be decisive and have clarity of mind among women. When you’re with a woman and you leave it to her to adopt that responsibility, you’re neglecting your masculine energy and instead, she will cultivate it. This goes against our very nature and if it becomes the norm – for example, letting her decide where to go out every time you have a date planned – she will end up distrusting your capacity to be a man. She will not be as attracted to you.

The solution here is to always offer your input, no matter how trivial it might be. Always have a plan in mind before you go out. And don’t brush things off passively by leaving it to her to guide the direction of events.

If you’re finding these lessons from the Way of the Superior Man helpful, the full-length version of Deida’s book can be found here. This was one of the best reads I’ve ever come across due to its practicality and ability to shift my perspective on the dynamic between masculine and feminine energy. I highly recommend it.

If you instead want to try audio learning, Audible can give you a great experience. It’s packed with over 10,000 audiobooks and podcasts, so lack of selection is never a problem. Start your first 30 days free here.

You Will Often Want More Than One Woman

We were often taught growing up that desiring one woman, who you love, is the right thing to believe. Especially if you had a strong female parental presence. The problem is we’re once again neglecting our natural masculine tendencies if we force ourselves to think in this way. It’s very normal for men to sexually desire other women, even if he’s in love and in a relationship with one in particular.

So embrace that feeling, and know that it is up to you to decide what to do with that desire. Some might say that seeking out another woman is the wrong choice as it will only lead to complications with the one you love. Others might say that it’s fine, so long as you play your cards right. The choice is yours.

Choose a Woman Who Chooses You

When you’re in a relationship or even the talking stage with a woman, it’s important that you can decipher between whether she’s interested in you or not. Deida suggests that you talk with friends to get a second opinion, which is helpful, but you yourself should be able to pick up on the cues. Some signs she might not be include unreciprocated body language, constant excuses of being busy to get out of seeing you, or communicating to you like a friend does – bringing up other men she is interested in (if in the talking stage).

If this is the case, leave and move on. You are essentially becoming the feminine presence if you’re the one constantly seeking attention and intimacy, and in turn, she will be repelled by this. Especially because she will have to embody a masculine one if she seeks freedom. When the masculine and feminine dynamic is reversed, it will be hard to become compatible with one another.

Instead, search until you, a friend or a group of friends can confirm a woman is interested. When that time comes, you’ll be glad you waited as she will express her true feminine nature that men crave in women. Knowing and putting this into practice will prove to be one of the key lessons from The Way of the Superior Man in terms of understanding female nature better.

Turn Your Lust Into Gifts

We’ve all felt the power of lust as men. When we fantasize about a woman, the energy flows into one of two heads. Although this is normal, reframing the way you experience lust could benefit you.

Rather than letting yourself become completely immersed in it – or distracted by it – try letting that sexual energy circulate throughout your body. You might be surprised at how creative your thoughts or ideas might become, how confident you are in a social setting or how focused you are at a task. After all, the feminine is a source of inspiration to men; it’s just a matter of where we choose to direct that inspiration. At pleasure and depletion, or at the gifts you can offer to the world.

Ejaculate Up the Spine

In our childhoods, we as boys learned to stimulate our sexual tension through masturbation. This act of reducing stress was a source of fulfillment for sexual fantasies. As we got older, the habitual self-pleasure learned through masturbation typically carried into sex. We’re often so busy focusing on our own sensations that we neglect the woman’s, which leads to premature finishing or finishing after 5 to 10 minutes.

By consciously redirecting your attention to your partner, there will be more pleasure felt on both sides as well as a deeper emotional connection.

Deida also stresses other relevant points in this chapter.

One, by keeping your body and breath relaxed and full, you will prevent an accumulation of tension downstairs. This plays into the practice of lasting longer during sex.

Two, feel whatever strong sensation comes your way fully, and then feel past that so that sex becomes something that is beyond every sensation. As opposed to being drawn into one specific sensation, or something that is fleeting.

Three, practicing full and proper breathing both during sex and throughout your day enables you to move energy up your spine through exhalation. Energy is paramount to a productive and fulfilling life, so making sure that you have this practice down will benefit you.

Finally, occasionally contracting your pelvis during sex will allow you finish in a more euphoric way – through your brain and not just downstairs.

Your outer appearance is the first thing people notice about you, especially women. Taking care of it will go a long way toward attracting them and altering other first impressions in your favour, such as job interviews. This is how to make yourself a more attractive man:

Prioritize Your Mental Health

The link between mental health and attractiveness is clear. If you are not properly regulating your emotions and controlling stress, you will not feel the need to take care of yourself. Just look at those who fall into depression: they are so distracted mentally and emotionally that they forget to even shower sometimes.

I had a friend who went through this after being broken up with by his then girlfriend; he went days at a time without showering, brushing his teeth, and grooming. Although heartbreak is a justified reason to be depressed, it’s generally best to rely on healthy measures to relieve stress such as exercising, meditating and talking to someone (before it gets out of hand). Otherwise, your outer appearance will suffer as a potential consequence. 

Take Care of Your Body

This one provides a two-fold benefit. If you participate in aerobic and anaerobic exercise consistently, you’re taking care of your mental health just as much as your physical health (see my article on this here). Regarding the physical aspect of it, a well-maintained body with some muscle mass makes all the difference in making yourself a more attractive man. You will stand out from the average guy and simultaneously signal a sign of respect because it takes grit, discipline and emotional regulation to achieve this.

Additionally, a balanced, healthy diet will have the same effect on your mental and physical health. It has been proven that without the proper foods, you will not be able to maintain a nice body – regardless of how often you work out. 

Find a Hairstyle that Suits You

There is an expression that goes “what works for one person might not work for someone else”. This is true for hairstyles as well, as finding a hairstyle suited to your features is necessary for making yourself a more attractive man. If you don’t have the thickest hair, a long hairstyle may prove to not look the greatest. If you have a receding hairline, a buzz cut probably won’t work well.

And beyond the characteristics of just your hair, taking your facial features into account can improve your choice. For example, if you have bigger ears, you’d likely want to stay away from a shorter hairstyle as this will only accentuate the size of them. 

Groom Often

If your outer appearance is the first thing people notice about you, it’s grooming that will solidify the impression you make. A well-maintained face and body signifies to people that you take care of yourself, and this in turn means that you respect yourself enough to do that; which will allow them to respect you more. Some essential steps include trimming your beard every so often (if you have one), shaving stray neck hairs, brushing your teeth twice a day, flossing, trimming your eyebrows, and maintaining your hair. 

Invest in Decent Clothing and Learn Style

Just as grooming makes a major impression on people, so too does your choice of clothing and style. It represents how you choose to portray yourself to the world; proper care and execution is paramount to becoming a more attractive man. There are some basics to remember here: nice clothing does not have to have a brand name noticeable to everyone, colours that correspond with other pieces look more presentable (like wearing a black jacket and black jeans with a white t-shirt and white shoes), layering the right pieces and colours can accentuate the whole outfit, and essentials like basic coloured tees or basic sneakers can add versatility to your wardrobe. 

If you’re just starting to organize your wardrobe or simply want to add some more essentials to your collection, you can’t go wrong with Urban Planet. They have an array of basic coloured tees, hoodies, a wide selection of jacket types and more to add style to your outfits. This is personally one of the brands I buy from when I want a basic hoodie or t-shirt for my collection. Click here to take advantage of their 50% off summer essentials sale before the offer expires. 

Take Care of Your Skin

Skincare products are abundant on the market, and though drug-store products work well for some people, it’s best to go with natural ones. This means that whatever cleanser, serum or moisturizer you use should have ingredients that you can pronounce and derive from plants or other natural sources. For example, a moisturizer that has jojoba oil and orange extract in it. This will ensure that your skin is less prone to acne and other skin problems, as it is being nourished by sources from the earth. 

Keep in mind that diet and healthy habits like meditation impact the state of your skin as well. Stress, processed foods and dehydration can negatively affect your appearance with pimples and bags under the eyes. So taking care of your skin is more complex than simply which products you apply.

Take the Time to Make Yourself Smell Good

Sealing the deal with impressions on women can come down to how you smell. Once you’ve hit all the targets above, a fresh smell from your body has the potential to turn heads and garner more attention. For best results, use scented body lotion, cologne, deodorant and a natural hair product (if you have hair). If you have just shaved a part of your face or your neck, you can swap cologne with aftershave as this will have a similar effect. 

Just as believing in your confidence is important, so too is a confident demeanour. This will prove to yourself and to others that you have a healthy self-image – a quality that is foundational for all people. This is how to behave more confidently:

Speak your Mind

Understand that your voice is one of your most fundamental tools. What you say can change the perceptions others have of you, shaping your own impressions. Of course, life is situational: certain moments might require more reserved, socially acceptable speech, whereas others will allow for more openness. In any case, speaking your mind – within limits and depending on your audience – will convey extremely confident behaviour.

Some people may be intimidated, but most will respect your candidness and lack of hesitancy when you have an opinion about something. You’re essentially telling yourself that your voice is just as important as anyone else’s in the room; that your thoughts are worth hearing.

Do What you Say You’ll Do

Whether you’re making a promise to yourself or to another person, following through with action is another measure to take to behave more confidently. If you tell yourself that you’re going to wake up at 7:00 every morning to acquire more discipline, doing so will set a level of self-trust. If you tell your friend you’re going to start hitting the gym 5 days a week with him, doing so will allow him to trust your word.

The bottom line is that following through conveys seriousness, and this in turn conveys maturity and someone who does not waste time – with themselves or others. Additionally, trust is a helpful social quality in personal relationships and professional settings alike. 

Take Care of Your Body and Mind

Without proper care of your mental and physical health, you will not be able to behave more confidently. There is no logic to being constantly stressed, out of shape, depressed and angry while also being that guy in the room whose charisma is noticed by everyone. It’s imperative that you first develop healthy sleep, diet and information consumption habits. Then, ensure you have some sort of physical outlet to mediate both your physical and mental health. Finally, a further emphasis on your mental health in the form of meditation or therapy will go a long way.

As someone who went through a bad period of depression, I wish I had chosen to speak with a professional. This would have been ideal as I would have been able to receive useful feedback and save myself from a lot of lost confidence. Online Therapy is an online service that connects you to a qualified therapist in minutes. This saves you from any worry of long waiting times to speak with a professional. Take advantage of your first month with a 20% discount here. Your mental health is too important to neglect. 

Hone Your Social Skills and Activate When Necessary

Depending on your temperament, socializing might come easier to you. Extroverts are better at this than introverts on average, however introverts have their own strengths as well. They can get on well with others when it’s a one on one situation, since a large group isn’t holding them back from expressing themselves.

If this is you, your confidence can multiply in public group settings when you at least try to step out of that comfort zone; even one bold interaction a day with a complete stranger or group of people has the potential to transform your confidence. Once it comes easier to you, you’ll feel a sense of natural interpersonal skills in almost any situation. Others will sense this within you, too. 

Stress is inevitable in life, but can prove to be detrimental to your mental and physical health if not handled properly. And in the busy world we live in today, this becomes that much more important. Here are 5 methods for managing stress:

Find a Physical Outlet

It has been proven through countless studies and personal experiences that physical outlets, whether through sports or anaerobic exercise, are among the most effective methods for managing stress. A published article by C. Barr Taylor of Stanford University et al. has cited over 1000 other articles referencing exercise to, among other benefits, alter some aspects of the stress response. The stress response could be a result of a number of factors of course, but data has shown it reduces symptoms of anxiety and depression, which are major causes to it.

However, if your stress is regarding something specific, spending an hour or two lifting weights allows you to focus on something besides what you’re stressed about. Rather than wasting your time ruminating, you can distract your mind temporarily while also reaping the stress-reducing benefits – like lowered blood pressure and slowed heart rate – afterwards. 

Listen to Your Favourite Music

Music is universally appreciated, and for good reason. Not only is it enjoyable, but it’s interestingly one of the best methods for managing stress. A study done on hospital patients in the surgical holding area found that those who listened to music experienced significantly less stress and anxiety than those who didn’t. Considering how consequential a surgical scenario could prove to be, this is a major finding.

For amazing music quality and a wide selection of artists, customized playlists and even podcasts, I use Spotify. If you’re going to indulge in music, you should make sure you have the best experience possible – and that’s why I can’t recommend this service highly enough. Get started with your first three months completely free here.

Meditate

Meditation might be the pinnacle of ways to manage stress. A simple few deep breaths have the ability to completely relax you. If deep breaths (turned into mindful meditating) last 5 to 10 minutes, this will have a profound impact on the improvement of your mental health and reduction of stress. Once turned into a daily habit, the longterm results will become more evident and you’ll surely feel even less stressed. See my other post here for more information on this. 

Journal Your Thoughts

Whether it’s due to a specific situation or is more of a result of general depressed or anxious behaviour, articulating your thoughts through writing can help manage stress. When your thoughts are trapped in your mind, emotions multiply their intensity, which can make the problem that much worse. By expressing through words on paper, you can clearly understand what the problem is that is causing this reaction (which in itself removes anxious uncertainty), and then potentially make a plan to resolve it if the situation calls for it. If the stress is more trivial, at least you can understand that in hindsight after reviewing what you wrote. 

Talk to Someone You Trust

As social creatures, we need the opinions of others to learn from and grow. When it comes to managing stress, another great solution is to talk to someone you trust and whose advice you know is coming from the right place. This matters because if you’re truly close with someone, there will be a reciprocal energy that aims to actionably improve one another’s life. So when the time comes for venting or the need for a second opinion, whatever is conveyed from your friend will help to manage your stress. This exchange of dialogue can offer a different perspective also – one that could reprogram your perception of the stress source.

Sources

• Winter MJ, Paskin S, Baker T. Music reduces stress and anxiety of patients in the surgical holding area. Europe PMC. 1994, 9(6):340-343. PMID: 7707258.

Imagine how lacking your life would be without access to the knowledge we have today. And If we were to stay complacent with what is given to us through standardized means such as western education, there would still be much to miss out on. The following describes the importance of self-education. 

Expands Potential 

You are absolutely limiting your capacity to grow in any regard if you go off of the cookie-cutter method towards education. You’re taught to get good grades in school, make it to university, college or a trade school, get a stable job as your primary source of income and then retire when you’re old.

But if you started to read books or take courses on personal finance or entrepreneurship, you could challenge that process. And in challenging that process, you can also challenge your potential and expand into profitable avenues of interest to you, or make smarter decisions in day-to-day life. This is the golden age of accessibility to information, so you can either take advantage of it, or let your life take advantage of you.

Teaches Skills

One majorly beneficial platform for self-education is through the internet. Not to confuse this with the misinformation spread through social media; there are a number of websites and software services available dedicated to teaching hard and soft skills. A soft skill is considered a personal attribute, like attentive listening, which contributes to your success of getting a job done. A hard skill is a specific skillset which can be demonstrated in a measured way, like computer coding. Both are necessary for success of any kind in life, but hard skills are particularly in demand in the workforce and have more potential to transform your life outside of that. 

If you work a salary-based job but want to pursue photography on the side, you can take courses on this and learn in your free time. Then, you can take it up as a hobby or as a means of increasing income. A great resource I’d like to mention is Skillshare: a platform designed specifically for learning both soft and hard-skills. They have thousands of courses such as photography, language learning and email marketing. Take advantage of your first month free here.

Offers a Different Perspective

There’s a saying by one of my favourite public speakers, Jim Rohn, that goes, “If you work on your job you can make a living, but if you work hard on yourself you can make a fortune.” In keeping with the theme of challenging the standard education process, you can lose the narrow-minded approach toward what is considered a good life. By reading books, listening to podcasts, or listening to YouTube videos on subjects ranging from health to personal finance, you will begin to realize there is more to life than memorizing information and clocking in and out at your day job. And that much of the useful information you learn through self-education was not taught to you in your earlier years. 

As always, the only way to make improvements upon learning new things is to utilize the information. You can read all you want on starting a side hustle, but unless and until you make a plan and begin working on something, that information is useless. The good sources of self-education stress this point. 

Often the best solutions to our problems are the simple ones. There are two main forms of exercise, but outdoor movement in particular (aerobic exercise) has a host of benefits for your mental and physical health. Here are three benefits of walking and running outside:

Exposure to Natural Sunlight

As emphasized in a previous post, one of the benefits of walking or running outside is the exposure to natural sunlight. See here for more information. You can expect to experience the benefits most in the early hours of the day just after you wake up.

Morning sunlight increases your circulating cortisol, epinephrine and dopamine levels; which in turn increases your energy, immune system function and mood.

Moreover, a study using eight male participants showed that after 2 hour periods of morning and evening sunlight exposure for a week, the morning sessions regulated their circadian rhythm. In other words, your sleep-wake cycle will improve.

For more insight, click here to read the study.

Exposure to Nature

If you happen to live in the city, consider going to a spot that isn’t as congested with buildings and other urbanized infrastructure.

The reason is that one of the more subtle benefits of walking and running outside is your exposure to nature. The mere fact that you’re outside enables natural oxygen intake, which helps to clean your lungs, boost your mood, increase energy levels and improve digestion. If you couple that with the presence of trees and greenery, not only does oxygen intake increase but so does your mood.

Nature intended us to be outside in the first place, exposed to the elements; and so this plays a massive biological role in your mental health and general wellbeing – especially when you’re physically moving your body as our ancestors had to in order to survive. 

Improved Mood

It’s necessary to restate the importance of walking in nature as opposed to urban settings like cities as this makes all the difference in regulating your mood.

If you’re constantly depressed, anxious or have other recurring mental health issues, outdoor exercise surrounded by greenery or water is a great antidote.

Ensure that this is made a habit to see longterm results, however a quick solution to a bad state of mind is stepping outside for 10 minutes. Never mind the emotion-numbing measures like substance or pharmaceutical intake – body movement will do the trick. 

Sources

• Song C, Ikei H, Park B-J, Lee J, Kagawa T, Miyazaki Y. Psychological Benefits of Walking through Forest Areas. International Journal of Environmental Research and Public Health. 2018; 15(12):2804. https://doi.org/10.3390/ijerph15122804